Man Child

Because men are traditionally the sexual aggressor, in most cultures it is probably usual that when a man moves closer to a woman she - instinctively - moves away. Women will often complain of feeling uncomfortable when a man other than their partner of choice is pressed up against them, because it has overtones of an unwanted sexual advance. Commuters are generally worst affected, which is probably why on trains women can frequently be seen squidged into a tiny space while an unknown man next to her spreads himself out and dominates her seat space too.

My own approach to intrusions into personal space has shifted over the years. When I was much younger, I too would contort myself away from any encroaching male, shrinking into myself as he came closer, as I experienced that uncomfortable sensation of heat from a stranger against me. But I remain convinced that because I am small in stature I am perceived as a bit of a pushover, and wonder if a six-foot Valkyrie would be treated in the same way.

I used to think that when a man sat with his legs splayed, he was simply being proud of his tackle and expecting everyone else to admire it and be proud of it too. But no, apparently this is not so! I was eventually informed by a very good male friend that a gentleman needs to sit like that because rather than being delightful and lovely, the package is in fact rather hot and sweaty so cool air is required. With that knowledge it at least allows us women to be more sympathetic.

However, this does not mean that we should continue to be pushed aside. These days I am calmly assertive, whereas in my London-commute days, where nobody has any patience, I could happily humiliate a man. "I know you need to air your balls," I once told a man on the commuter train from London, using my new-found knowledge, "but do you think we could have some space please?" This was aimed at a young man who had spread himself so much that I next to him, and two women opposite had almost no room to sit comfortably. As the two women opposite chuckled silently behind their evening newspapers, the man quickly SAT UP (yes he had been selfishly slouching) and drew his legs in.

But often the worst situations happen on planes; the place where everybody is competing for space. Again, because I am small (and probably because I am a female travelling alone) I find that I am occasionally bullied by a man who wants my space. This year on a flight from Tokyo I had deliberately booked an aisle seat because I am often out of my seat, and don't want to disturb whoever is next to me. But the man next to me had designs on it and asked if I would like to move. When I politely declined he pushed the matter becoming increasingly nasty in his tone. His face, under a shaven head and with a full compliment of tattoos around his neck, became uglier. Speaking in quite an aggressive way, he listed the various ways he would make my journey uncomfortable - "I'll probably end up kicking you because I need to stretch, Ok if you don't mind being disturbed because I get up all the time and then I'll probably end up kicking you, etc etc." The attempt at intimidation was clear.

But yesterday I met the man child who was simply vile. After being extremely rude to a stewardess, he proceeded to take over my seat. When I politely asked him if he could move his arm he snapped at me, "Well you should stop moving!" Yes I was moving (within my seat space) but mainly because I could not get comfortable because he was leaning over the armrest onto me. I politely explained this and he huffed and puffed a bit before moving. But soon he was almost on top of me again. I laughed, apologised (in the English way) and said "I know we don't have much space here, but could you please move to your side?" to which he snapped at me again that it wouldn't be a problem if I didn't move, and told me to "just shut up".

It is at this point that a woman can feel threatened, especially when the abuse is coming from a large, uncouth male who has been openly burping and farting without even the decency to try to do it sneakily. And so I calmly said that there wasn't much room for either of us, but I had also paid for my seat, so could he please move over. "Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me!" he snapped loudly. And then he delivered his coup de grâce.

HE BLEW A RASPBERRY AT ME!

Man child, indeed.

And so with his final, childish retreat I had won the battle but to win the war I needed to act quickly. On my next visit to the back of the plane I explained the situation to the cabin crew, who had already encountered Man Child's rudeness. Because he was downing the drinks quite quickly I asked if they could not serve him any more alcohol. There were no available spare seats, and I did not want to sit next to a drunk.

Of course I didn't think Man Child would thump me or anything like that. His method of attack - the childish raspberry - showed he was probably more mouth than trousers. But if cutting off his booze supply would stop the dangerous emissions from his backside, it needed to be done.

Of course it is not just men who take over. Women do it too; I have had mothers put their child who was travelling for free in my seat and expect me to find somewhere else, and old ladies - in particular - take their shoes off and stretch out so that their feet are right at my nose level. A friend recently swore that she would never travel by a particular airline again because of the old ladies who stretched their feet into her seat space. But my friend's problem was that while she got angry, she didn't deal with the situation and, instead, fumed for the entire journey when a polite 'could you please move?' could have solved the problem.

There is no need to fume. Aggression, often the first resort of so many stressed travellers, does nothing to help the situation. If necessary, public humiliation can work quite well in some cultures. By loudly asking a gropy or encroaching man to move it will often draw the attention of others and shame him into behaving himself. Or if on a plane, speak to the cabin crew. If it gets unbearable then you may at least be able to sit on a jump seat for a while.

As for Man Child, I felt tempted to take his photograph and post it up for a naming and shaming, but that would be unnecessary and cruel. After all, I only had to put up with him for five hours whereas he has to put up with himself for a lifetime.