Snow World

Watch Hyderabad's winter wonderland

One of the reasons why tourists begin to tire of India is because most things turn out to be a mission, especially when trying to get things done without being ripped off.

Yesterday with two cousins' wives and five children, I headed off with great anticipation to Snow World, recently made famous at home by Paul Merton on his televised trip around India. But before we could even get there we had to pass the obstacles of the usual rickshaw rip-offs and one driver who insisted that we had to buy the tickets from 'an office near the station'. Hmm, is that line ringing any bells? I said no, and that we would buy the tickets at Snow World; but possibly this was not translated to him or it was said into the deaf ear that all rickshaw drivers seem to have, because he took us to this special 'office' anyway, where, after the initial business of "come, come" from the rickshaw driver and pretty much being forced to follow him to what turned out to be a shabby wooden stall by the side of the road with three men squeezed behind it, I had to insist that I was not going to buy tickets from them. Even after we walked away and got back into the rickshaw we were followed by the ticket 'agent' who wasn't going to give up so easily. The rickshaw driver wasn't making things easier, insisting and insisting until I told him to mind his own business. "We only want you to drive a rickshaw," I told him. "Nothing else." No idea if he really understood but it seemed to work.

Snow World is a mini theme park area between Secunderabad and Hyderabad. There is a Scary House, bouncy castle, coffee shops and go-karts. While we were waiting for our Snow World session the children had four laps each on the go-karts, putting me in mind of that famous story The Tortoise and The Hare, but with the children creating more of a Tortoise and The Tortoise slant on the situation.

Then the queue for Snow World began, with punters excitedly shoving past each other in their efforts to be first in line. The atmosphere was charged with anticipation as we queued up for slightly musty-smelling quilted jackets, mittens, socks and boots. Bollywood music pumped into the foyer adding to the air of excitement as we handed our own shoes in and changed into the clobber that made us all look a little bit like garden gnomes. Then we sat and waited while a puny security guard with an annoyed expression blew furiously on his whistle to keep the chattering hoards under control.

Yet as a group of excited school children from Bangalore giggled and shoved each other, one of their party sat glumly on a stool next to me. Her name was Swati, she told me, and she was afraid. Most of the punters going into Snow World had probably never seen snow in the lives, and had no idea what to expect. Poor Swati was really scared. And so I explained what snow was and that nothing would hurt her. She cheered up a little but was still looking slightly terrified when I left her.

After half an hour of waiting and starting to roast in our jackets, gloves and boots, the doors finally opened to a great cheer as the quilted hoards scurried through into yet another waiting room, pushing and shoving, where the tension really began to build up. Then as more double doors opened into this winter wonderland, our five children disappeared into the throng, only surfacing every now and then to lob a snowball at me. For one hour visitors to Snow World can climb a little snow mountain (not made from snow), have a go on a snow-merry-go-round (backwards, for some reason), toboggan down ice slides, hide in an igloo, play ball and have photos taken with a plastic Yeti. By the Ice Hotel there are even tables and seats carved from ice; I did see some people sitting on them, which almost brought tears to my eyes. Ouch. (Piles??) But when the snow machines began firing fresh snow out of the window of a faux alpine house, the cheers got really loud, as children and adults rushed to the other side of the room where the snow dancing would soon begin. Then as the Snow World staff looked on in boredom, Bollywood music pumped into the little snow dance area while disco lights flashed away.

But of course those of us who experience snow at least once a year know that the fun doesn't last. About fifteen minutes before our hour was up the happiness had turned to misery, as little fingers and toes began to hurt with cold. It was around this time that the queue for hot, watery tomato soup at the 'ice hotel' was growing, and I sent the children to get something to warm themselves up. As the Snow World staff began blowing on their whistles to herd us out again, one of the children, almost desperate with cold, didn't want to move and had to be persuaded to leave.

An hour or so later, after finding a couple of rickshaw drivers who didn't try to charge us double for the fare home, we settled down to some dahl, rice, halwa and coffee. Keith's daughters, still feeling the cold, cuddled up to their daddy to warm up. Never really feeling the cold so badly in Snow World, I think my body heat was restored in moments, especially now that the cyclone has buggered off and the weather has returned to normal.

I am glad I went. I had been really looking forward to drinking coffee out of a snow cup, yet all the snow cups were off, so it seems. Shame, because I am sure that it was coffee from a snow mug that I had flown half way around the world for.

And so last night, exhausted, I went to bed armed with a large cricket bat in the hope that it would help me get some sleep. I am on a bed/couch in the living room and even with the mosquito net up one of the family dogs - a sweet-natured mongrel called Puppy - keeps trying through the night to curl up on top of me. Being a stupid mutt, he doesn't seem to notice the mozzie net, which thankfully hasn't ended up with a dog-sized hole in it. I don't like to threaten animals but after a couple of very broken nights' sleep, I reluctantly took the cricket bat to bed because although he has never been hit with it, one sight of it causes him to run away. It's pretty horrible being woken up by a cold, wet nose shoved in one's face, I can tell you.

Yet there was a different disturbance last night. Both puppy and the other family dog, a sausage dog called Puggy, were growling and barking. When I woke up Puppy then thought it was time to curl up on me, so the bat had to be shown. The growling and barking then continued into the night, setting off other dogs down the road, so that I had to plug myself into my MP3 player to get any sleep. It was only this morning when Dominic pointed out a little ginger and white cat, huddled up in a high window ledge in the kitchen that the reason became evident. It had been up there for hours, apparently. But the siege soon ended after I climbed a chair, plucked the cat off the window ledge and released her - Puppy running barking after her, but she got away, bounding over the laundry lines and over the wall to freedom.

Hopefully there will be sleep tonight? (Boo hoo!)