When the mercury hits more than 40C, most of us find our thoughts turn to nothing more strenuous than eating ice cream, with even the thought of sex being far too much effort. But not so the gentlemen of Delhi, so it seems.
Any woman travelling around India alone – or even with a friend or partner – will usually be on the receiving end of ‘Eve teasing’ at least once. Subtle harassment, offers of ‘jiggy jiggy’, and of course the well known ‘boob swoop’ are, sadly, common experiences. But recently, in a different form of harrassment, a friend has just spent three days fending off a whole line of men who persistently invaded her guesthouse, intent on getting her alone, and all seeming to think that they were entitled to bother her.
It started when a driver attached to the agency that booked her guesthouse smarmed his way onto the premises by claiming to be a friend of hers. Later there were attempts to get her alone with what turned out to be a phoney errand to drive her to the travel agency (he claimed they needed a copy of her passport, but once getting her into the car appeared to make a phone call only to conveniently discover that her passport was not needed after all, and so “where shall we go?”). But after she had managed to get rid of him, another turned up, and then another – all connected to the travel agency.
Because these men were connected to the agency and the guesthouse, they could use their social status over the servant to enter the place, sit around, order food and bother my friend. This was how they managed to get access to her – a woman alone – even going so far as to follow her into her bedroom. As she was the only guest in this small, private guesthouse, this left her feeling vulnerable, making her dependant upon the servant to protect her.
Of course what makes any sane woman angry about this is the assumption that:
a) she is interested in sex
b) she is interested in sex with them.
Never at any point did it occur to these men that my friend may not be interested in them. It was as if they assumed that a foreign woman is so rampant that she will do it with anyone.
One man who gave my friend the Indian version of ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ made his thoughts very clear. He’d had an arranged marriage, he told her, and so had ‘never had a good time’. It is quite likely his poor wife hadn’t had a good time either, but that was clearly not his concern. And when my friend asked if he thought that just because she was a woman alone did that mean he assumed she was ‘up for it’, he said yes. “You’re English aren’t you?” he said. Foreign women, he assured her, were always up for a good time.
Of course it is understandable how some men end up with this idea. Western women do go to India, wear next to nothing on the beaches, have affairs with locals, and generally behave in a way that most Indian women would not dare. Even I, many years ago, when holidaying as a young woman in India met a gorgeous young man and cackled inwardly that I was going to enjoy myself - before reminding myself that I was in a different country and culture and so had to behave. Had I been at home, however, a meaningless flirtation would not have been out of the question. So by Indian standards many western women are loose. But the problem is that then comes the assumption that we are easily available to anyone. For any men reading this, watch my typing. It is so not true.
But western women have always been seen as being morally loose compared to Indian girls. Years ago, Bollywood would show the slut or vamp as wearing western clothes, drinking and smoking. And now India has access to satellite TV, with a variety of American programmes that depict scantily clad western girls hopping in and out of bed as and when they like. In my opinion, it hasn’t done the foreign female tourist any favours. In the twenty plus years I have been travelling to India, I feel the choice of foreign programmes on Indian television - especially when contrasted against Indian media depicting more traditional roles - has given Indian society an even worse impression of us foreign girls.
So what to do? How do you react when your rickshaw driver (as happened to my friend) is making obscene gestures with his tongue at you saying, “You have love marriage? Love marriage? Lots of good sex?” If you had the energy you could call a policeman and tell him that the driver has been harassing you. You should actually shout at him and tell him off, but in fact you will probably ignore it. ‘Eve teasing’ is something that is covered in my book A girls’ guide to India, a survivor’s handbook. But in the meantime, here are some tips that can help:
Never sit in the front of a taxi. My friend did and was subjected to the driver’s inability to work out where the gear stick ended and where her leg started. Any driver who asks you to sit in the front is up to no good. Trust me on this!
Say your father has told you not to talk to strange men. Even if you are alone, this is language people understand and indicates that you are a ‘good girl’. I have in the past managed to get rid of a few people using this line.
If you are old enough to be his mother (as can be the case), make a big show of telling him off in a matriarchal way, ask him how old he is, and tell him you could be his mother. This will usually freak him out and shame him at the same time. Very amusing to watch.
Adopt a granny. When travelling alone, befriend an older woman – especially on trains. This will usually offer you a lot of protection because if you have an ‘auntie’ watching over you it is unlikely you will be bothered.
If a man asks you in conversation if you drink or smoke, if at all possible say you do not. This is often a way of working out how much of a bad girl you are and if you are horrified at the idea of intoxicants it will show that you are a girl with morals.
Do not flirt. Flirting in your own country may just be harmless banter or a bit of fun. Flirting in India is taken much more seriously and is seen as an invitation to a lot more.
A Girls’ Guide to India, A Survivor’ Handbook is by Louise Wates and is available through all online bookstores. It is also available as an ebook through http://www.authorsonline.co.uk/
Any woman travelling around India alone – or even with a friend or partner – will usually be on the receiving end of ‘Eve teasing’ at least once. Subtle harassment, offers of ‘jiggy jiggy’, and of course the well known ‘boob swoop’ are, sadly, common experiences. But recently, in a different form of harrassment, a friend has just spent three days fending off a whole line of men who persistently invaded her guesthouse, intent on getting her alone, and all seeming to think that they were entitled to bother her.
It started when a driver attached to the agency that booked her guesthouse smarmed his way onto the premises by claiming to be a friend of hers. Later there were attempts to get her alone with what turned out to be a phoney errand to drive her to the travel agency (he claimed they needed a copy of her passport, but once getting her into the car appeared to make a phone call only to conveniently discover that her passport was not needed after all, and so “where shall we go?”). But after she had managed to get rid of him, another turned up, and then another – all connected to the travel agency.
Because these men were connected to the agency and the guesthouse, they could use their social status over the servant to enter the place, sit around, order food and bother my friend. This was how they managed to get access to her – a woman alone – even going so far as to follow her into her bedroom. As she was the only guest in this small, private guesthouse, this left her feeling vulnerable, making her dependant upon the servant to protect her.
Of course what makes any sane woman angry about this is the assumption that:
a) she is interested in sex
b) she is interested in sex with them.
Never at any point did it occur to these men that my friend may not be interested in them. It was as if they assumed that a foreign woman is so rampant that she will do it with anyone.
One man who gave my friend the Indian version of ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ made his thoughts very clear. He’d had an arranged marriage, he told her, and so had ‘never had a good time’. It is quite likely his poor wife hadn’t had a good time either, but that was clearly not his concern. And when my friend asked if he thought that just because she was a woman alone did that mean he assumed she was ‘up for it’, he said yes. “You’re English aren’t you?” he said. Foreign women, he assured her, were always up for a good time.
Of course it is understandable how some men end up with this idea. Western women do go to India, wear next to nothing on the beaches, have affairs with locals, and generally behave in a way that most Indian women would not dare. Even I, many years ago, when holidaying as a young woman in India met a gorgeous young man and cackled inwardly that I was going to enjoy myself - before reminding myself that I was in a different country and culture and so had to behave. Had I been at home, however, a meaningless flirtation would not have been out of the question. So by Indian standards many western women are loose. But the problem is that then comes the assumption that we are easily available to anyone. For any men reading this, watch my typing. It is so not true.
But western women have always been seen as being morally loose compared to Indian girls. Years ago, Bollywood would show the slut or vamp as wearing western clothes, drinking and smoking. And now India has access to satellite TV, with a variety of American programmes that depict scantily clad western girls hopping in and out of bed as and when they like. In my opinion, it hasn’t done the foreign female tourist any favours. In the twenty plus years I have been travelling to India, I feel the choice of foreign programmes on Indian television - especially when contrasted against Indian media depicting more traditional roles - has given Indian society an even worse impression of us foreign girls.
So what to do? How do you react when your rickshaw driver (as happened to my friend) is making obscene gestures with his tongue at you saying, “You have love marriage? Love marriage? Lots of good sex?” If you had the energy you could call a policeman and tell him that the driver has been harassing you. You should actually shout at him and tell him off, but in fact you will probably ignore it. ‘Eve teasing’ is something that is covered in my book A girls’ guide to India, a survivor’s handbook. But in the meantime, here are some tips that can help:
Never sit in the front of a taxi. My friend did and was subjected to the driver’s inability to work out where the gear stick ended and where her leg started. Any driver who asks you to sit in the front is up to no good. Trust me on this!
Say your father has told you not to talk to strange men. Even if you are alone, this is language people understand and indicates that you are a ‘good girl’. I have in the past managed to get rid of a few people using this line.
If you are old enough to be his mother (as can be the case), make a big show of telling him off in a matriarchal way, ask him how old he is, and tell him you could be his mother. This will usually freak him out and shame him at the same time. Very amusing to watch.
Adopt a granny. When travelling alone, befriend an older woman – especially on trains. This will usually offer you a lot of protection because if you have an ‘auntie’ watching over you it is unlikely you will be bothered.
If a man asks you in conversation if you drink or smoke, if at all possible say you do not. This is often a way of working out how much of a bad girl you are and if you are horrified at the idea of intoxicants it will show that you are a girl with morals.
Do not flirt. Flirting in your own country may just be harmless banter or a bit of fun. Flirting in India is taken much more seriously and is seen as an invitation to a lot more.
A Girls’ Guide to India, A Survivor’ Handbook is by Louise Wates and is available through all online bookstores. It is also available as an ebook through http://www.authorsonline.co.uk/
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